The Openess (A post that wont probably see the light of day) (I guess things change)

I continue to blog about you because I dont want anymore what ifs...... I blog because if anything happens to me I want there to be something left of me for people to understand and it makes my life easier venting with this....






I love you... And what that means from me is that you have my heart, like I'm literally giving you my heart and trusting that I'll be okay... Now I really am... After this post.. It also means that I care for you mind, body, and soul.. I say this in a post very short summarizing really but I hope you really understand what I mean, I use the word love very scarcely.. (this was longer the first time I wrote it)
I get mad when I think of you with other people, honestly because I just see me and you period anybody else I feel is unwelcome it's hard for me if I'm expected to welcome them which is why there's the thing between a friend and something more and caring and not caring.

Hmm I rush as I search for words... Maybe I should just speak from my heart? Or other parts of my body?lol (jokes)...

My heart tells me I can/should/would be around you all the time. I'd love to be around you all the time.. Yeah things might get annoying but a good annoying.. I really want to be close to you... Like badly... The reason why I like giving abnormally long hugs is because it makes me feel happy, it brightens my day, and makes my soul overall feel good like I feel like I glow after a long stretched out hug with someone I care about.

And well let's reach alittle lower... I am able to separate my feelings for people, like well I did alittle of this before but I think I'll tell alittle more. Because we should be able to tell each other ANY AND EVERYTHING RIGHT? I really think I want to kiss you passionately and hold you for multiple hours. Am I wrong? Nah I haven't touched an awkward basis for you yet.. So you know the song "To a flower" about you well you should definitely do what the song says. Like you should ask me to show you what I mean in the song.. :) .................... excuse me for my silence but I'm serious. And I just hate when I'm at school and I get really attracted to you because when I do if I follow through with what my thoughts are telling me it's a whole other side of me you haven't seen... But you need to see, because you need to know me... Better then they do, I want you to.. I want you to see me for who I really am and not just what I show people on the surface.. Cause it's not always truthful... (I'm not talking about sexually which is why I say truthful) I'm Pretty honest with that. Like there's times when I feel like you barely know me and I hate it, like I know you know certain things but I feel like there's a boundary and I don't like that. For awhile now the "any and everything" is what I questioned every time it's said or brought up.

When I think of you sometimes I feel like I'm just the luckiest person in the world ... Like your one of the most amazing women I know.. And you can debate that all you want... My Dazzled post... Who I meant is you, how you've been dazzling me is for me to know because if you know it wouldn't be natural of you and that would disgust me... Hey you remember when you got in trouble for Dan on the bus and the whole fingering thing... Well whether it happened or not... I wanted to be mad about that but I didn't because my reason wasn't necessarily right... The thing I always saw was like...(heavy deep breaths) I saw me and you being each others first. Never really saw myself admitting this but yeah I did... (Laugh all you want) Which is why I even got offended when other talked about it because it hurt me in a different way to believe that that happened and because that happened I wasn't sure what else may have happened.. But what happened is for you not me... And sure that "crazy" idea may be far fetched or whatever but I have good intentions at heart. I want/wanted it to be with someone I really care about and I couldn't and can't to this day think of anyone I care about more then you.. That's my mindset, there really isn't anyone else that fits my needs... I've had multiple chances to but because of that mindset I haven't. So whatever your view is on that ..... ?

I want to put time into something I know is worth my time... You are on my mind when I say that. I want to spend every second of my life with someone that'll make every second worth living as well as make it a hell of a ride.... I see you when I say that... I use the word love because I know no other words that could explain the way I feel about you... Yeah they say I'm young and I might not know what love is or whatever but..... At least I have some idea and I'll go off that idea because my idea of love is what makes me feel best... My love is what keeps me calm.... You are what makes me calm....

I would've probably asked you out, but I want to wait until this situation that's currently ... what feels like is on-going with you and Charles..haha Charles .. You know who I mean. I don't want to start something with you with other previous engagements, also why I didn't yet because I want to be completely over my recent situation before I do anything (attempt to) with you... (On recent update..) I think I'm ready..

"I'm close to the edge
There's no room for mistakes
When I asked you
You told me you wouldn't
watch me drown
So who says I can't make it
It'll be easier for you
If I'm not being the clown
I don't expect perfect
I hope you don't either
Perfect for each other
My heart beats forever
As long as your my miester
I know the love is there
Just teach me
Help me
Help me my flower
Let your roots reach me
I see you
I hope I be with you
Can you "
- Mr. Loverboy aka me.lol
.... and if that's me I'm forever stopping to smell the roses of my garden.. :)