Change clothes (my longest blogpost probably of 2012)

I was changed...apparently... So I let this person change me? We talkin outfits or the way the heart dances? The change in me? Well is well..... This change goes back...we talkin 2 years, Dance.... The dance I actually asked her to, but she was busy up-top with another dude... I still remember the messages before that day and during that day... Astounding isn't it? Soo I found out she was going with who she'd been chasing for awhile before then... Good for her.... Ahh? Well it wasn't so clear that night... Let me tell you about that night for me, I wasn't hurt the most by the "No" I received via what I heard instead of what I was told the most.... It was actually the night when I got there, I saw her with him...... The idea of that should've been me? Crossed my mind... But I was determined to be happy for her... Then the more the night went on the worse it got... That dance I toke alone, I didn't have a date... I was going to leave but I didn't want to explain to my parents why, so I stayed... I ended up crying that night in the bathroom instead of leaving...lovely ain't it? Then as it seemed the night was coming to a close....guess who actually decides to get me up and dancing to have some fun? My "changer".... That was the best part of my night... I danced with her instead of who I actually wanted to dance with..you. Actually you watched as I danced with her, I noticed while you were dancing with him... I chuckled in my head at that...

And that's where my changing begins. A night that I planned for me and you to be together, a night that probably would've been the best night of your life... Turned into all that... Because of your choices..... Because of the way she made me feel that night, when I was literally at my lowest, that resulted in what I'm Doing today. Why I don't just break up with her... It's that lasting feeling, the memory of that night.

So...if...she... Changed... Me? ...well I can't really see how... The only reason you don't see things the way they were is because it requires a vulnerability of me that I'm not comfortable with and I cant have you hold because I lose in the situation when you have my kryptonite(chuckles at the idea of myself being superman) almost all the time... I don't want to be crying about this and that... You don't realize how this stuff really effect me... Yet I think you somewhat get me? However, missing my point... The distance you feel, I'm not even sure if it's beatable because you have to understand first...(no I don't mean, to listen to every word... You really have too now what I'm feeling... Like it can't be you hearing what I'm saying but its forgotten or not in mind at some point or that if you think or feel a certain way about what I tell you it's not said, because I'm not that way with you.. Everything you tell me I think about and is said if I feel a certain way about it... Everytime I talk to you about any of this, it honestly seems like your holding back and you want to say something but you don't (for better words)... If fear is what causes it let me know, because I'm stuck in a rut(for better words) if it's something your worried about I should know it because there really isn't anything you should be with me... You shouldn't be afraid of the outcome (if thats what it is) because at the end of the day... The story doesn't end... (shrek and his happy endings lol) it keeps going... Wherever its taken... Love for someone doesn't come to an end.. It lives through many outcomes... What outcome are you afraid of? Because I can't see one... (now imagine if this was a note or a text message, see why i dont write often....hahaha also I don't like the idea of you losing a note because of what's its all meant to me)